As stated before, I am an obsessive grammarian. I make it one of my top joys in life. Like most young people, I do have a cell phone, and I do pay for unlimited text messaging. Most of the time, I only text my best friend, but at times, I am subjected to text other people. And this is what I get.

            Wat pg wuz it 4 da bio hmwk?

            Immediately, I’m frightened. I stand up and check my surroundings and realize I am not on Mars. So why is this person sending me a text in what looks like it was written in Martian?*

            Honestly, people, we live in a country with no official language, but I don’t think Outer Space is one of those languages most people speak. Putting it in your text messages is confusing the absolute hell out of those of us who remember how to spell. We can’t understand the point you’re trying to make! Well, I’ll stop acting like a person who doesn’t get Twilight and be honest. We do understand what you’re trying to get across, but we don’t want to. We want you text like a normal person with normal words and normal structures. Anything else makes you look like a parrot with a cell phone in its beak. And as long as that’s what you’re not, why would you want to be?

            So, all of you who abbreviate ridiculously when you text, stop. It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and it makes the rest of us want to send you a text that reads:

            U nd 2 stop txting me like dat cuz its mking me wanna stab u. ROFL.

*This is the part where my best friend says, “I told you he came from Martian descent!”