We’ve all had them. And how many of us can say they had one who wasn’t creepy or annoying? I don’t think any of us can.

            Think about it. They’re always middle-aged men who have nothing better to do with their time than teach high school sophomores how to operate a murder machine. And they do it for hours at a time!

            Also, you have to remember just how freakish they are. They’re always yelling at random things outside like semi trucks and the people who dance outside with ads for Little Caesar’s (also annoying). They don’t shut up, even when you’re doing it right. No matter what, they always ask the same questions (“So, when do you go back to school?” “Do you know anybody who lives around here?” “Have your parents ever caught you with drugs?”) and tell the same jokes (“Eighty-five dollars for a yearbook? It better be in 3-D when you open it up.”). They smell like a funeral parlor and Lysol. And, without a doubt, they always have some form of turrets.

            And, as we all know, there’s nothing more annoying than a case of turrets. Try having it while trying to teach a fifteen-year-old how to drive. *coughcoughcompulsivehum*