Coke drinkers have all heard this at one time or another. Some restaurants are sacrilegious and money-obsessed enough to do this. They offer Pepsi products, when clearly, Coke is the better choice. Coke drinkers know it. Pepsi drinkers know it. And yet, every time you go to order a Coke at a restaurant that only has Pepsi, you hear the same, three annoying words. “Is Pepsi okay?”

            In the words of someone I detest very much, “Is Monopoly money okay?” Because the answer is staring you in the face. NO. Pepsi will never be okay, what with its overpowering, sugary taste and soft drink residue that makes you want to cough. If the devil ever came to us from hell, it was to create Pepsi. And, like sin, it has sold like hot cakes. Of course, everyone is well aware of the fact that it’s bad, so Coke (the Jesus of soft drinks) still reigns supreme.

            So why the Mother F do some restaurants serve it?

            I don’t know what you other avid Coke drinkers are like when the already annoying pigtailed waitress has brought you the bad news, but when I was a little girl, I would cry. From a very young age, I needed my Coke. But I think that should have given Pepsi a message. It makes babies cry. Therefore, it must stop multiplying, or it may lead to the first infant suicide.

            God knows that wouldn’t look so fantastic on Pepsi’s report card.

            Please, Applebee’s, Taco Bell, and the Coney Island restaurant near what used to be the Farmer Jack in Dearborn, Michigan, switch to Coke. It makes people happy.

            Plus, does Pepsi have a museum? I didn’t think so.