TAYLOR SWIFT One time, when my mom was checking an eighth grade girl’s paper, she said that she referred to Taylor Swift as her inspiration. Yeah, that’s really touching if you aspire to be a clingy, overly boy crazy, melancholy singer/songwriter. Because when you really look at her, that’s exactly what Taylor Swift is. All of her songs are about the same two things. If they’re not about being in love with the most fabulous, handsomest, sexiest, most romantic boy in the world, they’re about that boy cheating on you, breaking up with you, or you breaking up with him. It’s cliché (which, as we all know, is definitely not annoying at all). The way she goes on and on about how her life is so terrible is like Hugh Hefner’s latest girlfriend going on and on about how she dropped her ticket to see While You Were Legally Blonde in an acid puddle. You were bullied in high school, Taylor. Guess what? We all were! Just be glad you weren’t hit on by the biggest guy in your school’s history. If you were, then you would be scarred as I have been scarred, and I would actually feel sorry for you. It’s been three years or so since Joe Jonas dumped her ass (I’m sure you all know by now how many seconds the phone call was, but it was twenty-seven in case you’re a moron.), and she still hasn’t moved on. She enjoys seeing his face with a universal “no” sign painted over it. And why the hell did she check and see how long the phone call was? Because she’s an obsessive, controlling monster! Taylor Swift fans, I’m sorry if I have offended you. Even I must admit to buying her albums because some of the stuff she’s put out there is kind of sweet. But you all have to face the facts. Swift is annoying when it comes to her personal life, which we really shouldn’t care less about. Yet, since she doesn’t seem to be aware of the fact that she’s bothersome, I can say this with no regrets. If I had a guitar, she would be the reason for very annoyed teardrops on it.