THE SUITE LIFE ON DECK

            I remember when this show was still The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. When they still lived at the hotel (and it was brand spankin’ new with corny sitcom plots that were still new to our elementary school educated minds), it was kind of a cute idea. Kids loved it, especially because its target audience was measurably ten to twelve-year-olds, and when the show first aired, I was ten. But then, when I was fourteen, life at the Boston Tipton ended for Zack and Cody, and they were shipped off to the S.S. Tipton, thus becoming The Suite Life on Deck. But then we all discovered that this show had long jumped the shark, becoming teeth-gnashing annoying.

            First of all, Dylan and Cole Sprouse were about sixteen years old and still filming this ridiculous show, which never seems to go a week without a new episode. The London character was progressively getting more brainless, and to top it all off, they were now living on a boat.

            Then there’s the matter of all the new characters this never-ending spin off seems to accumulate. There’s that teacher who’s so damn whiney about why she can never land a boyfriend, and then the show goes all weird and starts making it like she’s going to get with everyone’s favorite ball of stress (and stereotypical homosexuality), Mr. Moesby. Kirby, the security guard who ends up being a professional football player and a high school flunk-out, is also a wonderful addition. A year after the show’s “first” season, they added this character who was formerly a child music prodigy, and of course, he begs to be famous again like the Scarecrow begged for a brain. Oh, and then there’s that Woody guy who’s so fat and retarded that he isn’t even in the opening credits, yet he appears in every single episode. And the scariest new character of them all? Bailey, the “babe” who becomes the obviously gay twin’s permanent girlfriend!

            And why do they keep coming up with random, “epic” ideas that are supposed to keep us on our toes? It all started with that time they all got lost at sea (and Cody and Bailey broke up). Then they were all transported into space where everyone bore a striking resemblance to Spock (and I’m pretty sure that was That One Guy from Star Trek playing London’s grandson). Only a few weeks later did they send those freaking kids to Paris (and Cody and Bailey broke up). And now London, Zack, and Zack’s new girlfriend (giving away the end of the previous week’s episode which not all of us have seen), are trapped inside a submarine full of shoes? Honestly, are these actors having fun with these pathetic ideas the writers are pumping out? Are the writers having fun pumping out these pathetic ideas?

            I can answer the second question. Yeah, they’re having fun. They’re just not having fun writing the episodes themselves, but doing something to help them conceive these “ideas”.

            Let’s face it, people. It’s time The Suite Life series was thrown overboard and swallowed by the shark it has managed to jump. We’re seasick.